| oh wow |
[04 Dec 2004|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Queen-Hammer to fall |
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So I havent been online in a long long time. man oh man I bet all of you missed me and my heated entrys. haha. I dont really know where to start. I quit my job! haha....off to bigger and better things. I went to see Mae a couple weeks ago. So fun! They played with Simple Plan, which at first bummed me out, but they actually put on a fun show, and all of them were so nice. I saw Gia there, but unfortunatly she didnt have Isabella with her, made me so sad, than I remembered she had told me she might move back home, which made me even sadder. I love San Francisco so much. Ive seen alot of bull shit in the last few weeks on myspace. Alot of people who I thought were my friends obviously arent. I feel bad for ever sticking up for "Merch Master Nate" Hes a little immature two faced piece of shit. As for everyone else Its all so silly to me. Always down for a good laugh, and thanks to all of you, Ive gotten plenty of them. I attempted to write DJs gf a message on myspace, but "somehow" she didnt get it. DJ said he never saw it. Funny how that happened. Sucks too because It took me a long time to write and it was a very nice message, which is rare for me. haha At least I know I attempted to apologize and explain. Its the thought that counts eh? Dylan moved back to ca. I was excited about that until I was reminded of all of the wonders of Dylan and Chris. I'm about this close *shows with fingers* to cutting off all ties to them. Over it. grow up. Danny has surprised me also. I'm over that too. I miss Dee alot. I had this dream about her that made me crazy. She was dressed all 50's and sucked all the life out of me and somehow I gave her powers. Wierdd! haah. Jess and i have been talkig alot again. I missed her. Shes doing awsome..and her hair is so long and pretty. Jealous Jeaous. I want my hair to grow!!
I talked to Beth a couple days ago! Man I love that girl, shes sucha freakin knockout. Sam and I are doing wonderful, hes awsome. He bought us HIM tickets, so weet, sucha surprise...but than guess what...postponed till Feb. WTF is that shit. my luck. haha k. I'm going ot go watch Some kind of Wonderful with Sam. <3
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| mmhmm |
[03 Nov 2004|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Madonna-Papa dont preach |
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So Last night I went to see Mister Metaphor and Brilliant red lights. Fun times. Just found out today that FMR got signed to Rise records...not too sure what to think about that. Thats all for now.
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| yikkity yakkity |
[01 Nov 2004|02:53pm] |
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mood |
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 empty |
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music |
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Armor For Sleep-Kind Of Perfect |
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So I havent been online in a while. I'm pretty much over myspace and no one emails me anymore so I dont really have any reason to go on the comp. Plus I've been super busy figuring out my living arrangments. We've been looking at houses, but I have my mind set on one in particular. Its in the Natomas area, 2 story, 5 bedroom, 2 and a half bath, walk in closets, heaven. I dont know if we'll get it though because everyones lagging on filling out the apps. I miss alot of people...one in particular. I feel like Ive been disconnected with the world now that I dont have a phone, or dont go to shows. Its kind of nice. Halloween weekend was rough. I love the smell of the air, all of the decorations, and the 50 hours of Halloween movies. Everyone that I was with this weekend made it the worst halloween ever. No one wanted to dres up, or watch movies with me. It was lame. Everything this weekend magnified my loss. No words to explain. Work is ok, Its funny how 99.9 percent of the female population surround themselves with drama. I sit there and listen to girls talk about eachother all day. Its hillarious. I had chocolate milk and Mac and Cheese with Tapatio today at Dannys, reminded me of the good ole days...if anyone wants my number message me and ask me for it.
p.s I fucking miss you sooo much, I need to hear your voice, I hope youre doing good, and I hope you still think of me. <3
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| lalalalal |
[22 Oct 2004|06:26pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Mae-The Last Call |
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So last night I went to the Mandown show. I felt like I was obligated to go since I'm the Mandown model. It was ok until I got pulled out for trying to punch some little punk ass kid in his face. Than April, Christina, Zelda and the boys and I all went to Dennys but it was packed so we just decided come back to the apt and make food. Tonight i'm going to the Underground to see Peltier Road Massacre and Promising Tommarow with my sissy. Should be fun. So Sam wants to cut his hair into a fashion mullet, I'm not sure what I think about it. I'm getting tattooed next week sometimes, my doll. I'm excited. Its funny how people could even fathom that I'd be jealous of them, I'm so fucking money. haha. k I'm going to go get ready.
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| So much/so little progress |
[20 Oct 2004|05:14pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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Postal Service-Against all Odds |
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So still no house yet. Jason and I have a bad habit of driving all the way out to the house before calling and making sure its still available. I finally get a live journal and I'm already sick of writing in it. Probably because naive bitches and there stupid fat friends like to read my shit and talk about it. hahaha. you know who the fuck you are..get a life. This whole growing out the hair thing is already getting old. haha. I see all these hot hair cuts i want. Oh well..I need to tbe strong. Still looking for a second job. I might just end up settleing for a place in the mall, maybe hot topic. Only because I can dress however the fuck I want. I hate the clothes there. Pudge needs to get off of his fat ass and get a job. Im trying to motivate him, not happenin. I find myself being easily entertained by the world more often these days. Stupidity is all around me. Its gotten to the point to where I dont want to do anything or go anywhere. Its all just a big waste of time. Shows are more and more unappealing everyday. My sister wants me to go to SuperModel Suicide tonight with her, I think I'll pass. Everyone is as fake as a niggers extention.
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| I'm just like you |
[16 Oct 2004|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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tears are dry |
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music |
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Eisley-Telescope eyes |
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So Sam and I went to look at houses today. We found a couple that are perfect. I'm looking for a second job so if someone knows of any places that are hiring Id love you forever. Sam threw his back out and wont quit bitchin about it, haha. So Ive been trying to help him do shit. Today was an interesting day. I felt almost dead today. Like more empty than Ive ever felt in my life. In a way it was a better feeling than any. I feel like their had to have been something I couldve done to make this different,and better. But, i guess it has been out of my hands. I'm as naive as the next person. Ive always felt so in control and aware...I'm starting to question whether thats true or not. My life is finally in order. I'm going to be responsible for once, pay bills, have my own place,I feel like I'm finally getting off my ass and doing something with my life. I have an awsome bf..who is absolutly perfect for me in every way, makes me laugh, holds me when I feel vulnerable, listens to me yell and take out all my problems on him, and he can never ever look bad..ever. He seems to make EVERYTHING look adorable, its kind of disgusting. But still with all of this, I feel so hollow. It feels almost as if I'm swimming against the tide.....
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| yup |
[14 Oct 2004|08:22pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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Eisley-tree tops |
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I had something a little different up here before... I needed to delete it. I vented..and now I'm done
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| Goodnight. |
[12 Oct 2004|11:39pm] |
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mood |
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Empty |
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music |
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Jimmy Eat World-Cautioners |
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The time I would spend with pictures I would not send.
I watched you go from left to right.
I followed you all night across my blinds.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You'll take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.
I'm making my peace, making it with distance.
Maybe that's a big mistake.
You know I'm thinking of you.
I miss you.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You'll take your steps away with hesitance.
You'll take your steps away from me.
You'll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
Take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.
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| In A Relationship |
[11 Oct 2004|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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Hearts-American Nightmare |
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So Sam, Chris, Colleen, my sister and I all went to Blood Brothers in SF. So fucking amazing. Seriously one of the best live shows I've seen. work and bagels today. Ive officially decided to eliminate a liar out of my life....
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| Yeha baby |
[09 Oct 2004|03:22am] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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music |
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Janet Jackson-pleasure principal |
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Today i woke up at 9 and headed to Woodland to see my Uncle in the hospital. My aunt from Manteca that I havent seen in about two years came with my two cousins. I always feel so old when I see my little cousins all grown up. My cousin Mikey is so cute. Hes all abercrombied out and into sports. Sam and I took him with us running around, it was fun, hes a good kid. We went to the Army surplus store and to Morrisons to see Greg. Poor guy is losing all of his hair, hes looking like Shrek more and more everyday.I also got to see my dad, which was nice, My dad and I have always been very close, hes the only person that has and will continue to love me, no matter fucking what, and it had been a while since Id last seen him. Definitly brightened my day.So tonight was Killing The Dream and FMR. Such an awsome show. I got to see so many people that I havent seen in days. Killing the Dream put on a fucking rad show. I wish I knew how to dance..Id fuck some fools up. Of course FMR was amazing, Matts hair is sooo short. I love it though, hes my skin. We took him to In and Out right when we got there and he sang the whole way there. awsome! I got to chat with all my mins, I miss them the most. Good times in the van. Toni was there passing out pink ribbons for breast cancer awareness month. It was kind of depressing. I saw Becca!! Ah I love that fucking girl. I hadnt seen any body in so long, it was kind of wierd..but I definitly needed it. Pat made me promise I'd go...so I did, and I'm glad I did. I took lots of pictures but I dont have the right fire wire at Sams to load em, I'll post them when I can. Sarah,Zelda,April and I took bathroom mirror pictures in the underground bathroom. haha. dorks. I fucking love those bitches. K well I'm going to sleep. Long day. xo
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| I never said he was my dearest love |
[07 Oct 2004|05:40pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Queen-Hammer to fall |
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So not much has happened. work, Sam, pretty much it. My uncles in the hospital. Hes had a bleeding ulser for the last year that hes been un aware of. So tommarow I'm going to go see him. I feel kind of bad I dont really have any emotions towards him. He has the maturity level of a 10 year old boy and is a horrible father and husband. I'm pretty much only going to see my family and say hi to him. My mom said he'll be ok. The days are counting down till Sam moves. I cant wait. The Orgy show was interesting. Saw lots of people I've missed, lots of people I havent missed. I kept getting my heel caught in the deck, it put me in a bad mood. I saw meow, not too fond of her or her fucking stupid haircut. I'm pretty sure shes finally gotten the hint that Im not fond of her. She doesnt even look my way. I liked her until she threw a paper towel full of jack daniels in my sisters face. disrespectful fat bitch. I'd love to see her throw a paper towel full fo jack daniels in my face and see what happens. funny.to.me. <3 Blood Brothers on the 10th. whooo hoooo. I'm excited. I love the city. The smell of thai food and cigerettes, the cold breeze, and the bums, covered in dirt and feces. loves it. Armor for sleep will be here next monthish...another thing I'm excited for. I dyed my hair black again, looks awsome. Even though I dye my hair every color in the book every month I always seem to go back to black...even though that is definitly the worst color ever. I'm supposed to go hang out with Danny tonight. watch a movie, maybe if I'm lucky he'll cook me dinner. Well I'm going to finish watching Princess Bride with Sam and Jason
p.s I miss you Deej.....
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| Goodbye, Goddnight |
[05 Oct 2004|05:10pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Jimmy Eat World-Aesthetic |
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The last thing I will say, Is if you really understood....you'd understand. you front like you do, but I can see that you have no idea. K I'm done. So last night I told DJ never to call me again. It will solve all of this and hopefully everyone will be happy. After that I sewed Sams pants and went to bed. I had the biggest fucking head ache in the world..It was horrid. I'm waiting for my sissy to get here so we can go to a show..should be interesting. I havent been to any shows in a long time..its been nice. Dom and Pudge came over today..in fact theyre here right now. I can honestly with all my heart say i didnt miss Dom. I missed Pudge a little..but definitly not Dom. He put me in the walls of jericho today just because I put All American Rejects on..haha..I had to metal punch him to get him to stop. I love how every where I go I get stared at. Its hillarious. The only time reggins are nice to me is when theyre like"ooohhh giirrrrll i like ted your tattooos theys is tiooghttt". stupid. So I decided that I'm going to grow my hair out..no more scene cut. I'm going to dye it back black and grow it, maybe keep the front longer than the back. I'll probably look older..and it will kinda suck having to pull it back when I fight, but It will be ok..I will deal. K I'm going to go get a mountain Dew..because I'm cool like that.
p.s I miss Chris..lots...call me mountain Dew/movie twinsie.
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[03 Oct 2004|01:35am] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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music |
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Blue Oyster Cult- Dont fear the reaper |
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So today Sam and I went and ran around. First we went on our routine trip to Downtown to get bagels and coffee. I ran into Jen. I love that girl. We went to Arden area..ran some errands. I need two jobs. I applied at a couple hipster thrift stores and Hot Topic..haha. shoot me. Than I went to my parents house and did laundry..ate hung out with Cyndi and Greg. I missed that fag..haha. That was pretty much all. I still hate going into my room...hes everywhere. I saw his wonderwoman toothbrush..still in the same drawer where he left it. I t didnt make me as sad as when I last when in there. Sam and I got popcorn and he got some movies from his house..so were going to go watch em and cuddle. That will probably be the highlight of my day....
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| ha |
[01 Oct 2004|04:20pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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Jimmy Eat World-Crimson and Clover |
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So I deleted my last entry because DJ asked me too. I'm sure some of you read it. Message me on myspace and I'll answer your questions, Michelle I'll call you and inform you on her stupidity. I havent done much in the last couple days. I was supposed to go to Killing The Dream last night but didnt. Today I was supposed to go to Oakland but that didnt happen either. I swear to god I hate stupid fuckin whiney insecure bitches. If she only fucking knew. gah. So I took some new myspace pictures that are metal as fuck. If you havent seen them yet you should go look. Ive been super pissed off lately. I hate liars and fucking stupidity. I'm sick of just nodding my head and listening to everything - has to say. I can see right fucking through it. I'm sorry but youve known me for a fucking long time..do I sympathize? or skim past details. fuck no. I'm sick of games. Ive tried to deal with this the best way I can. Obviously I'm breaking down. I miss my sister...I miss the way things used to be..I miss going to FMR shows in the van with the boys....I miss my black hair..I miss the coldness of DJs room....I miss listening to Mae in my own room...whyd you ruin everything...I hope this is worth it.
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| yup |
[26 Sep 2004|03:07pm] |
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mood |
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irritated |
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music |
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David Bowie-China Girl |
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So today I'm sick as a dogggg. I'm watching Buried Alive 2 for the third time. Yesterday was quite the productive day. Sam, Pudge, Taylor and I all went to Arden area and ran errands. We went driving around looking for costco in a the wrong fucking places even though it was right by the mall. We asked like 3 people for directions until we finally got the right ones, and when we finally made it there, it was closed..whoop whoop. Than we went grocery shopping. yay for that! Than we went back to the house and hung out. Brooke and my sis came over. Dj has a show tonight I was supposed to go but dick nose will be there so I decided I'd rather pluck my eyebrows and make some shirts tonight. fun times. <3
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| Todd |
[25 Sep 2004|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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HIM-you are the one |
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So last night was fun...kinda..Todd called me and asked me to hang out with him and Ted and obviously I was down since Ted and Todd are two of my favoritist people ever! Well they came and picked me up and Ted dropped Todd and I off at Todds house and than him and I went to get food. Than when we were done with that we were supposed to meet Ted at Its A Grind cuz I guess Ted was meeting some girl there. We waited for a fucking hour at Its a grind and he finally showed up with his friend from his band named Topher..nice guy.. but the girl wasnt there so we left. there goes an hour wasted. Than we went to a Skys Of Fire show which no one was at. It was nice seeing the boys though. After that we went back to Its a grind and met that girl. She was adorable so props to Ted. This is entry is probably the most boring thin anyones ever read..haha oh well. Anyway after that I bought alcohol for Todd and got harrassed by a bunch of niggers at the liquor store..it was horrid but I got myself out of it. Than we came back to Sams and hung out for a bit until Sam came home. Brooke and Pudge came over after the Elora Dauna show. Brooke finally told fat cat off. I'm glad..she fucking sucks. k I'm done rambling
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[24 Sep 2004|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Comeback Kid-All in a year |
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So last night Brooke came over. yayy. It was good seeing her. She got her hair did it looks fuckin rock and roll. I went to Veronicas for a bit also, I hadnt seen her in a while so it was nice to catch up. So supposedly I'm known as "the psycho ex gf" to DJS new whatever she is and her friends. Makes..me..laugh. bwaahahahaha. You stupid bitches have no fucking clue how Psycho I am,and you obviously have no clue about anything else. Sam and I are supposed to go thrift shopping today but hes still sleeping. I've been so up and down lately its hillarious.now I'm just like numb and I just dont give a fuck. Love me lose me fuck someone else,use your double standard bull shit I DONT GIVE A FUCK! I found a Cure video for my profile! Stoked! It's new but still good. of course. Pudge was being extra nice to me last night for some reason. He organized my makeup bag for me..which is a chore. and he cleaned WHOA! I think hes starteing to realize how awsome I am. Well my BEAUTIFUL BED AND MY BEAUTIFUL BOY are calling me...
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| ew |
[23 Sep 2004|01:21pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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So I didnt think things were going to be this difficult. I dont know who I was kidding. I could change all of this with a snap of my finger..but should I..or do I even want to.....
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| Right when you get up |
[20 Sep 2004|12:31pm] |
So Ive had an interesting couple of days. Friday was Me Without you and Blindside. So amazing. The show was sold out, they turned away 200 kids. I saw Sydny and Bri there, other than that I really didnt see any kids that I know. After the show we hug out with the guys and than headed to Santa cruz. On sunday My sister Danny and I all went to some art festival with my grandparents and than sat on the beach for a couple hours. I absolutly love Santa Cruz. Yesterday I did absolutly nothing until about 9.<3 So Sams ex is trying to creep again. Shes fucking lucky shes young..thats all I have to say.
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